Seriously.

Dear Bag Boy at Publix,

I am not that much older than you. Seriously. You acted like I must be nearing my death bed. I'm only 27! 27 is NOT OLD. I'm probably only...oh wait...crap...ten years older than you. Ten years. Wow. Ten years ago I was 17...damnit...when did I get so damn old? But 27 can't be old, right? Because what would 30 be? Or 48? Or 72?

OK, OK, OK. I get it...when I was 17 I would have thought that I was old too. But still...was I that disdainful about the elderly when I was 17? Totally...old people suck. No way! I was a polite and charming young lady! Old men loved me!

My favorite part of our little interaction was when you could barely contain your eye roll when I whipped out my oh so stylish reusable grocery bags...I'm trying to make sure you've got a planet to live on when you're old like me sonny! Show some respect! But then you just couldn't help yourself, and I thought your eyes were going to roll right out of your head when I told you that the bags could totally hold way more than you were putting in them. I would have offered to just do it myself...but you never would have let me...I could've broken a hip or something.

I saw you eyeing my tattoos...and it was like I could read your mind...you were thinking that I might have been cool once. (Do the kids nowadays even say cool anymore?) Then...for just a split second...I saw that tiny flicker...the slow realization that maybe, just maybe, someday someone would think that you were old and tired and cutting in on their flirt time with the cute cashier. But then 17 year old youthful enthusiasm took back over...not you. You would never be old. You would never be out of touch with the latest and greatest. (Wow..."latest and greatest" I really am old.) You would never have some punk ass kid sneering at you.

Call me in ten years...I'd love to hear how that youthful enthusiasm is working out for you.

See you next week,
The old lady who might have been cool...like a million years ago...or whatever.

Comments

[J.D.]

Ok, I think I know what this kid's problem is: He's gay. Really, he must be gay because in my experience, young boys flock to you. Any hetero piece of jail bait would've had his bad teenage mustache pressed up against your chuck taylor's, licking them and hoping for your approval.

[Meg]

Hi there, I ran across your blog a week or so ago, but for some reason I can't get it to feed into google reader, and when I try to use your subscribe button I get an error... any ideas?

Thanks! Love your blog!

[Fine For Now]

Dude, he would hope to ever be as cool as you.