...none of which involve a.) masturbating, b.) the $8.99 pay-per-view movies, or c.) crank calls. (Sorry male readers...maybe next time.)
1. Open each and every cabinet, drawer, and closet in hopes of finding some left behind treasure.
2. Feel mildly disappointed to find nothing but the Gideon Bible and the Book of Mormon.
3. Search through Book of Mormon for 15 minutes in hopes of finding out how (or why) someone gets their eyebrows to do this.
4. Listen with ear to door as a husband and wife have what seems to be a highly ordinary conversation/semi-argument about the amount of luggage they were hauling around.
5. Discover that the conversation was totally worth eavesdropping on when husband asks his wife, "I mean did you really have to bring two vibrators? Wouldn't one have sufficed?"
6. Nearly poke eye out when scrambling to look through peephole at vibrator-obsessed wife.
7. Carefully inspect all mirrors, smoke detectors, and paintings for any hidden video cameras.
8. Do funny dance just in case there are any hidden video cameras.
9. Realize blinds are open and office workers in neighboring building are starting to gather.
10. Make split second decision...should you finish the funny dance or act like you were having a seizure?
11. Look under bed for forgotten treasure.
12. Find one lonely dust bunny. Feel bad for loner bunnies everywhere.
13. Jump on bed.
14. Feel mildly disappointed again when you realize jumping on the bed really isn't very much fun.
15. Take a ridiculous amount of showers. (Seriously...I've been here for two days and I've already taken 4 showers...what is it about being in a different environment that makes you feel so damn dirty?)
16. Realize now would be an excellent time to finally shave your legs.
17. Realize you forgot to pack razor.
18. Go to front desk and request complimentary razor.
19. Discover in the elevator that said complimentary razor is so cheap that it will only be able to conquer one of your frighteningly hairy legs.
20. Worry too much that the front desk will know that you must have frighteningly hairy legs to go and ask for another complimentary razor.
21. Have one silky smooth leg and one razor-burned-hairy splotches-mess of a leg.
22. Feel delighted that you accomplished shaving the one leg properly and plan on doing it again in another three months or so.
23. Worry the entire time you are in the tub that housekeeping is going to walk in.
24. Play the scenario of housekeeping walking in and seeing your ridiculously hairy legs in your head until you've determined exactly what your mix of shock/embarrassment/horror will be...just in case.
25. Feel mildly disappointed that no housekeeping staff walked in on you after deciding what an excellent blog post it would be if anyone did come in.
26. Pee with the door wide open...and be glad that there is no baby crawling in and out of the bathroom.
27. Miss baby terribly and cry for 15 minutes about a.) missing the baby, b.) what an awful mother you are, c.) how you haven't replaced all the sippy cups with BPA free ones yet.
28. Get distracted by funny commercial on television.
29. Realize that you can watch WHATEVER SHOW YOU WANT. WITH NO ONE COMPLAINING ABOUT IT.
30. End up watching a "Deadliest Catch" mini-marathon...the same mini-marathon that you probably would have watched if you had been home with the hubby.
31. Write whole blog post about what to do in a hotel by yourself.
32. Wonder if there is some clever way of getting the hotel to promote your blog and your brilliant list of things to do while staying in their lovely chain of hotels.
33. Think of nothing clever.
34. Realize list is suddenly not funny anymore.
35. Go back to watching "Deadliest Catch" mini-marathon.
36. Go to bed at 8:30. Feel pleased that you were able to stay up later than Amalah.
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