So this morning I am attempting to merge onto I-4 from the 408 (that would be where the road to purgatory intersects with the road to hell in case you aren't from around here) and there is a long line of cars waiting to budge in where possible. The majority of people are doing the correct thing and letting a car in front of them and then moving along with their lives.
But then it's my turn and I've got my blinker on and I do the standard eye contact agreement with the car I'm about to get in front of in my side mirror. She looks back at me with no sign that she is about to turn into some interstate asshole with a serious love of road rage, freak breaking habits, and a passion for stomping the gas at inopportune times. It looks like I'm about to safely merge onto the road...no harm, no foul.
But nooooo. This fucking woman in a goddamn beige Taurus speeds up. She SPEEDS UP and nearly hits my bumper...so I've got no choice but to go back into the merge lane. (And I only mention the fact that the car was beige because it's just a sign of her normally dishrag personality gone wrong...who thinks that someone in a beige Taurus is going to suddenly be anything other than that blah friend that you get to do things for you without ever really having to put much effort into the relationship...kind of like the public library. Now don't get me wrong, I love the public library...my point is that you don't expect something so meek to suddenly turn all bitchy on you.) (This analogy sounded good in my head. Let's just forget I mentioned it.)
And then!! And then...she flicks me off. SHE FLICKS ME OFF.
Uh...really? You're flicking me off? Seriously?
I think you already managed to do that...cutting someone off is pretty much as big of a "fuck you" as one could muster. But that obviously was not enough for this woman. She needed to do a double fisted fuck you to make her feelings on merging known.
Maybe she just doesn't like Volkswagens. Or babies in the backseat. Or people with good car karma who are just trying to get to daycare before they stop serving breakfast because OMG it's pancake day and there is a certain child who will pull out her own eyes if she misses a single drop of the maple crack syrup.
Or maybe she was just tired of being a dishrag who drives a beige Taurus and she figured that a girl with pigtails driving a VW would be the least likely person on I-4 to pull out a shotgun and blow her rude ass away.
Well...she was right. Shoot you for being a complete jerk? No. Whine about you on the internet? Yes.
Take that!
