Somewhere far away or maybe real nearby, there is a little blonde girl with deep blue eyes who has spent her day quietly flipping through picture books, building grand towers out of a variety of responsibly forested wooden blocks, skillfully shimmying into a variety of organic cotton dress up clothes, and artfully drawing on recycled paper. Her mother has been diligently chipping away at an important work project at the dining room table, pausing periodically to commend her lovely daughter's behavior, fashion sense, and environmental responsibility. The evil television has been silent all day and a feeling of accomplishment pervades the house. A husband comes home in good spirits, kisses his wife and tousles his child's hair. He is pleased that the house is in order and that the savory scents of dinner are already wafting toward his nose.
I'm sure that somewhere this exact scenario is playing out as the day draws to a close.
Too bad it isn't in this house.
Today I attempted my latest ridiculous fantasy brilliant idea. It didn't go as well as I had hoped...it didn't go as badly as I imagined it could either...but still. Every single toy Amelia owns is scattered throughout the entire first floor of the house. An entire pack of wipes has been pulled from the box and each individual wipe has been either crumpled into a ball or used as a blanket for a variety of stuffed creatures. A 94 pack of crayons has been evenly distributed between the couch cushions. Two banana peels, three sippy cups, an empty candy bar wrapper, an entire set of measuring scoops, and two boxes of spaghetti are currently housed in the bathroom trash can. At least the TV was only on for two Blue's Clues, one Franklin, three Lazy Towns, and an entire Go Diego Go DVD a little while. Let's not even talk about the number of dishes in the sink or the number of crusty spots on Amelia's clothes.
However, I did get some work done...perhaps not as much as I would have liked to...but I certainly didn't get to spend as much quality time with Amelia as I had wanted to either. I feel like I spent the majority of the day chasing her away from swishing stuff in the toilet, prying things out of her mouth, stopping the dogs from humping each other, and reminding myself that yelling does nothing to help control the noise level.
So I'm going to have to say that my work at home experiment was a failure. Perhaps it would work if I had only light work to do that I could do for a while and then put on hold for some playtime...but not when I'm trying to muscle through a big project with a deadline that requires me to do things like concentrate or finish a sentence. So in short, never...this idea will never work.
Especially not after today...while I was wrangling a baby and cursing about having the Go Diego Go theme song stuck in my head (Deep inside the jungle where nature's running wild, mumble, mumble, mumble, swinging from a vine, mumble, mumble, working overtime! DEEEAAAAGOOOO!)...my coworkers were getting laid off one by one. While I got several emails saying how nice it must have been to be away from all the chaos at work today...it couldn't be further from the truth. As much as I love my family, I actually spend far more time with my coworkers than I do with my husband and child. And there were people that I have come to respect and cherish as great people to work with...but also as a sort of cobbled together family...complete with feuds and drama and a lot of laugher...having their lives turned upside down because of a crappy economy. I felt horrible when I got the first phone call to let me know what was happening. The first emotion was fear for my own future, followed by relief that I was spared this round, and then a pit of the stomach nausea over the fact that I would most likely never see some of these people again. I wouldn't have a chance for a proper goodbye...that the fabric of my daily routine had been shredded and picked over.
My workday won't have the same flow of small talk and chitchat over kids and weather and primetime television. I won't be able to say, "Oh so-and-so will be able to answer that" because they aren't there anymore. It feels like there has been some sort of horrible accident...and the death toll keeps getting longer and louder. Work will never be the same...and I can't even imagine what my former coworkers are feeling tonight. Lost? Betrayed? Hopeless?
I wish the very best for each and every one of them. I hope they find a new place to call their own...with new challenges and new coworkers to love and hate. Tonight, I'm not only mourning the fact that this whole work at home idea isn't going to be the answer to my whole I-feel-like-I-can't-breathe-being-away-from-Amelia problem...but also for the hardships and stress being felt by families all over Central Florida.
Here's to new opportunities and to enjoying the time that I do have with Amelia.
And if it makes anyone feel better...here's proof of what an idiot I am...because what sane, rational person would think that finger painting (FINGER PAINTING + TODDLER) (HA!) was a nice, easy, relaxing activity to wrap up the day.
Comments