Me: I think I'm starting to develop a bit of a crush on Steve.
Me: I think I'm starting to develop a bit of a crush on Steve.
Posted at 06:42 PM in Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (0)
So my mother and I have, what you might like to call, a so so relationship. We've mostly gotten over that span of about six years when I did a lot of drugs that she didn't know about my rebellious teenage years. She hasn't accepted my lack of the Catholic religion...but she's dealing with it. (Or at least she's stopped openly talking about the baby spending eternity in purgatory and me burning in hell.) (I once had a nun explain purgatory to me like this....it's like having all the pancakes you could ever want, but with no syrup. The pancakes are still good...but not quite what you wanted.) (This is why I am so fucked up...my formative years were spent with a bunch of loonies comparing eternity to breakfast foods.) (Side note...Hey JD! Sister Myra told me that...remember her?) (Moving on.)
Posted at 10:13 PM in Amelia, Parenthood, Random, Wah Wah Wah! | Permalink | Comments (0)
Yeah...I know. It's been a while...ok ok...a very long while since I came and paid attention to you all...and I've got lots of excuses ready and waiting for you. I know these excuses very well because I've been making them to myself every time I thought about posting again. I'm too busy, too tired, too depressed, too happy, too bored, too whatever the opposite of bored is...and on and on and on. Turns out though...none of those things are actually correct...I just didn't know that until today.
Yeah...her. Again. I know, I know.
When you've got someone tiny who likes to eat and have a place to live...you don't get to give the big fuck you around the office anymore.Posted at 09:27 PM in Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (2)
I laughed until I cried at my desk today because of this.
Posted at 12:43 PM in Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I've found the secret to easy weight loss...just follow these 7 simple steps:
Posted at 09:33 PM in Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (1)
Oh...that evidence.
And on a somewhat separate news story...I am simply delighted that people searching for Guns N' Roses' fifth (and worst) album (sorry! It's a cover album people...COVER ALBUM! COVERS OF CRAPPY SONGS FROM GLAM ROCK! GLAM ROCK PEOPLE!) will stumble upon a meatball murderer. (Allegedly!) But at the same time...her Mama is now worried that the two readers will think she's some sort of Guns N' Roses superfan...and that simply isn't true. I promise!
And no...there isn't going to be a Monday Night Confession about me lurving freaking GNR...it was a clever title! Get over it! Geesh...maybe you should stop obsessing over it and help me clean up this baby.
(Incidentally...she got a hold of the dogs right after this picture was taken...I think she was trying to frame them as accomplices. Just saying...)
Posted at 02:44 PM in Amelia, Baby, Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (0)
Posted at 09:33 PM in Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
So I've never made it a secret that I'm not exactly "mother-of-the-year" material. These last 14 months have been some of the most exhausting, defeating, stressful months of my entire life. Throw a healthy dose of postpartum depression on top of normal new mother worry, fear, and self-doubt...and you've got a mama who doesn't feel like she's done that great of a job...hell...you've got a mama who has wondered how long it will take Child Protective Services to find out about the crappy job she's been doing.
Luckily...the fog has been lifting in recent months...and I'm finally starting to connect to this little person...something I had been ashamed to admit...that I was having trouble feeling anything for my own child...that I felt more like a long term babysitter than a mother.
But slowly...Amelia and I have started to find common ground. Maybe it was because of all the time that she had to deal with some weepy lady who spent more time looking at her fearfully from across the room...or maybe it's because the child is so damn like me...but Amelia has never been a cuddly baby. From the very beginning...she would only tolerate a few minutes of of being held before starting to wiggle free. And the bigger she's gotten...the more insistent the wiggling. Even when she's hurt...she doesn't have time or patience for kisses...she's right back at it...trying again...doing it alone.
Last night was the first night without a night bottle...we've finally been doing good all day with her sippy cup...and it seemed like the time was finally right to say goodbye to it.
She and I went through our normal routine...bathtime, jammies, brushing our hair, bedtime story. But then we went downstairs for a few final minutes of playtime and goodnights and what was now to be a bedtime snack rather than a bedtime bottle. I handed her that cup and immediately she gave a shriek of indignation as if to say, "What is this crap woman!?" And then the angry tears started.
And with far more patience than I thought I had at the end of the day, I explained that there was no more nighttime bottle, we just had our cup...I told her that growing up is hard...but that I loved her and that we would do this together. And she looked right at me...tears now silent...still a look of complete anguish on her face at the thought of having to say goodbye...and I knew that she understood.
Without another sound...she climbed into my lap...and for the first time in 14 months...she let me hold her for longer than a minute.
Here was this little girl who is normally so independent...finally making me feel like a mother.
Joel came back from his nightly run thirty minutes later to find Amelia snuggled in my arms...both of us silently weeping...her over her beloved bottle...me over finally getting to experience what most women experience in the delivery room...an insane amount of love and hope for a tiny soul.
Happy Mother's Day.
Posted at 04:50 PM in Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (2)
So I knew that when I became a mother I'd be giving up a lot of my former rock and roll life. I had no clue how far that would go...
You know you are a mom when you can successfully take a shit with 1) the bathroom door wide open, 2) a one year old alternating between playing the drums on the trash can and squealing with delight with every tug of the toilet paper roll, 3) one dog barking and running in circles around your legs, 4) and another dog trying to sit on your lap.
The best part is when you don't even flinch when your husband comes in and starts asking you about where to find the hidden rolls of blue painters tape.
Sigh.
Posted at 08:06 AM in Amelia, Baby, Carl, Lenny, Parenthood | Permalink | Comments (1)
So I am sick. Again. Since Amelia was born, I've had five ear infections, countless runny noses, three upper respiratory infections, and a nasty two day stomach virus that made me experience one of my biggest fears (vomiting) multiple times. (Vomiting is just wrong. It's your body defying the laws of GRAVITY. Listen here vomit...gravity is the law for a REASON.)
I've basically become the destination for busy viruses and infections looking to get away from it all. The baby is obviously selling timeshare property in my upper respiratory track. And all these viruses are telling their friends and bringing their Aunt Mabel and their cousin Howard on these visits, because I am SICK ALL THE TIME.
There is only one upside to all of this sickness...Dr. V. at the walk-in clinic in Clermont. Now this particular walk-in is totally out of the way for me to go to...but the one closest to me is ghett-o. So take my advice women of Central Florida...go to the Clermont Centra-Care. It's totally worth the trip...hell...I might be feeling down enough to mosey on over there today...
Oh Dr. V...if only we didn't have to meet with mucus acting as a chaperone. Sigh.
Even Joel agrees that he might just be the dreamiest doctor he has ever been to.
I don't know exactly what it is about Dr. V. Maybe it's because he let me sob all over him when I was pregnant and had the flu and he wouldn't prescribe me anything because of the slightest chance of harm to the baby. Or maybe it's because he actually looks at you when you are talking...even when you've got pink eye and have all sorts of goopy shit on your face. Or perhaps it's just because he's so tall and handsome. Who knows...my fantasy dreamland doesn't need to be rational.
So at my last visit that was fueled by an abundance of mucus (I wrote and rewrote that line at least four times...trust me here...there is no good way to talk about snot)...I finally got up the courage to do something I almost never do...ask for help.
And here comes the confession. I'm a (wait for it...wait for it...) smoker.
Since the age of 16 I've chugged down at least half a pack a day of Marlboro Menthol Milds...and then after I had the baby...I slowly returned to being a half a pack a day smoker. Somebody call the bad mother line...we've got a live one. I don't know what it was...getting to have a ten minute break away was what I needed...and before I knew it...I had a habit again.
So I asked my beloved Dr. V. about what my options were...I'd already tried the patch, the gum, my own crappy willpower...I was ready to turn to the sweet world of pharmaceuticals.
That was when Dr. V. informed me that I would need to speak to my primary care doctor about that. What? But Dr. V....you are my primary doctor...hell...you're my only doctor!
And this was when Dr. V. and I broke up...if he couldn't see how hard this was for me...well then I just didn't think we could make it. And just like that...my doctor fantasy went poof. (Well...mostly...I am the forgiving type you know...next time I've got more boogies than I know what to do with...Dr. V. and I might have a little rebound action.)
So now I'm off on my quest to find a primary care physician! Know any good ones in the Orlando area? I especially like the ones who never have cold hands...and ones who don't keep you waiting for forever...and if they happen to give out lollipops that's a plus too. Not that I'm picky or anything.
Posted at 05:58 PM in Amelia, Baby, Parenthood, Quit Smoking, Random, Wah Wah Wah! | Permalink | Comments (2)